Dakota Johnson hosted “Saturday Night Live” this week and opened her monologue with a joke about her 2024 superhero film “Madame Web,” which she said she continues promoting because “it hasn’t made any money yet.”
Johnson then reflected on major life events since her last time hosting the show, including two high-profile breakups. “I went through two very public, very lame breakups with two very awesome musicians. Looking for a third,” she joked, referencing her splits from Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and Role Model singer-songwriter Tucker Pillsbury.
After discussing her new film “Verity,” which she described as a “psychosexual erotic thriller,” Johnson pivoted to jokes about her dating history. “So is dating musicians. Some of them don’t wear shoes. Some of them are terrible in bed. But all of them are in my DMs,” she said. She added: “Some people leave concerts with merch, and I leave concerts with a two-and-a-half year relationship.”
Johnson noted she has “good friends” who don’t judge her romantic choices—a setup that led to an unexpected sketch interruption. Taylor Swift appeared on stage, and Johnson introduced her as her “literal therapist.” Swift pushed back on the characterization, describing their actual dynamic: “I’m not your therapist, actually. You just show up once a week at my house with an empty bottle of wine and ask if I want some.”
Swift continued, saying Johnson “plops on my couch and overshare[s], and every so often I just say, ‘Damn, that’s crazy.’” She added that she then gives Johnson pedialyte and has her security drive her home.
Johnson defended her taste in musicians as a “public service.” According to Johnson, dating them protects other women: “I think actually I’m doing a public service by dating them because, ladies, I am saving you a lot of money on Zoloft. So you’re welcome, America… and also England and parts of Ireland and Cleveland, apparently.”
Swift’s SNL appearance follows recent collaborations with Johnson. Johnson starred in the music video for Swift’s “Patient Zero,” one of four bonus tracks released last week from Swift’s 2025 album “The Life of a Showgirl.” Johnson also presented Swift with the MTV Video Music Awards’ inaugural Artist Directors Honors prize last Sunday.
Key facts
- Dakota Johnson hosted SNL and joked about her breakups with Chris Martin and Tucker Pillsbury
- Taylor Swift appeared during Johnson’s monologue as a surprise guest, riffing on their friendship
- Johnson called dating musicians a “public service” to other women
- Swift’s “Patient Zero” music video featured Johnson; both recently worked together at the MTV VMAs