This piece from McSweeney’s presents a satirical narrative about return-to-office (RTO) mandates at a fictional corporation called Mondo Mayo, using dark comedy to critique modern corporate workplace dynamics and AI integration.
The narrator, identified as an Associate Slop Doula, works for Mondo Mayo—described as a company that began as a mayonnaise manufacturer but now sells various products including software and surveillance technology. According to the narrative, the company operates under three Core Principles: “Good things are better than bad things,” “Yes, Boss. Great idea, Boss,” and “More leaders mean more leadership.”
The satire centers on several workplace absurdities. The company employs thousands of Senior VPs to oversee just fifteen rank-and-file workers, and uses AI-powered monitoring software called “Best Buddy” to track employee performance in the office. The narrator’s role involves repeatedly clicking “GENERATE” and “APPROVE” buttons on a tool called SlurryHose, which the narrative suggests scrapes web content to generate sales material.
The workplace itself is described as actively hostile—located in a construction zone for twenty years, with ongoing issues including asbestos exposure and mayonnaise leaks from pipes. Despite these conditions, the company maintains that in-person work is essential, requiring employees to be present six days a week for fourteen-hour shifts.
The narrative includes a subplot involving a romantic relationship between the narrator and a coworker named Blair, discovered during office hours. When they express skepticism about company strategy on internal chat, both are called into HR and placed on “Help-You-Be-Your-Best Plans”—satirizing performance improvement plans. The narrator ultimately betrays Blair to save his own job, choosing to keep his health insurance rather than risk unemployment and the non-compete restrictions.
By story’s end, the narrator has internalized the corporate messaging, accepting progressively longer RTO requirements and expressing gratitude for his promotion and company loyalty, despite observable dysfunction and coercion throughout the narrative.
Key facts
- The piece is satirical fiction published by McSweeney’s, not reporting on actual corporate practices
- The narrative uses absurdist humor to critique return-to-office mandates and AI workplace monitoring
- The fictional company uses AI called ‘Best Buddy’ for employee performance monitoring
- The narrator’s job involves generating and approving automated content using a tool called SlurryHose
- The workplace is depicted as actively hostile with construction hazards and poor conditions
- Employees face non-compete agreements that prevent working for other companies after termination